Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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