so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
