Be still, my beating vagina.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
