i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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