when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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