I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
