Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize