i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
