He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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