i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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