Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
