Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
