I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
