My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
