So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
