Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
