so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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