did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
