Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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