All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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