I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize