idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
