you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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