I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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