god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
