Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
