I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
