Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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