So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
