K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
