Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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