his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
