this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
