so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize