whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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