Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
