Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
