i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize