I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
