i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Four minutes until I can fart!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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