Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize