Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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