I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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