so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Send help, water and tortillas.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
