Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
