somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
