This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
