im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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