whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize