I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Text me some of your sweat
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
