hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize