i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
