The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
