used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
