yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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