I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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