I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
