WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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