i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
