So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
