I think I am morally bankrupt
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
