I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
