Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
