when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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