You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
