I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
