so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
