i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
