You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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