So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
