halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I am one with the molecules
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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