My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
