You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
