So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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