I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
