I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
