He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Someone signed my nipple.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
